The Cloverfield Monster Attacks Wilson Ave.
There’s something living underneath our house. We don’t know what it is but based on sightings by multiple people, it has the looks and actions of a beaver.
It all started when we noticed that between our steps and the porch a hole was forming and loose rocks and dirt were piling up. Then last Tuesday, Dane saw something coming out from under the porch.
So Tuesday night, Mike and I began to do some research on what this new Wilson Ave’er actually was. We came to the conclusion that whatever it was we needed to get rid of it immediately. I suggested luring it out with the stuffed beaver but we decided that would only end in disaster. Instead, we were going to call pest control in the morning (*editors note: we have yet to call them).
It was a normal Tuesday night. Nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Besides the research, we were hanging around watching TV. Like the old man that I am, I decided to go to bed a little earlier since I had had a long day. Up in my room and only moments into the first Family Guy episode, the lights began to flicker. Then, the power went out completely. I looked out the window to only see complete darkness.
With J.J. Abrams on my mind (from watching Lost so much with Jess), I could only come to one conclusion. I ran down the stairs and quickly exclaimed to Mike, “It’s our beaver. He’s attacking Wilson Ave!”
We headed outside where most of the neighbors had ventured out as well. It was dark and eerie. It was exactly like the scenes in Cloverfield right before the Monster attacked. I reminded Mike to watch his back.
I picked up the phone and called Jess because I knew she was already terrified about living alone and I could only imagine how much she was freaking out without power. She didn’t answer. I decided she was probably injured or dead or trapped in her upscale apartment with something impaling her body and rendering her from moving. Would Mike and I have to venture the dangerous street to save her?
Nope. She called back. Apparently she was on a conference call with people from Korea? I didn’t really understand. She was going to drive over.
During the time that we were waiting for Jess in the darkness, Mike and I noticed the stench coming from the side of our house and the piles of trash that hadn’t been taken out for 2 months. Luckily, tomorrow was trash day (although we did have to think about it for a while since it had been so long). We heaved all of the nasty trash to the street and decided that maybe the power going out was God’s way of telling us to get off our asses and take out the trash.
Jess arrived and we began to talk about what we should do. I wanted to stick around because I knew at any minute the Statue of Liberty’s head would be flying down Wilson Ave. They wanted to leave.
We went inside, lit some candles, sat down and began to discuss our options. However, we began to smell something terrible and nasty near the coffee table where were sitting. After trying to figure out what it was, I asked Jess to smell my feet to see if that was it. She did… And then proceeded to gag and run outside to vomit.
Without knowing, I guess while we were taking out the trash, a lot of “trash juice” leaked on my foot and sandal. Jess got a great whiff and will share her experiences soon.
After I took a dark shower, we decided to head to Peace Park and then downtown. It ended up being a great night. No Monster attacked but we realized maybe the power outage was the Powers that Be’s way of telling us to get out more and enjoy ourselves.
Post by Tyler Davis
